The worry that something might happen again

In this article, I will explain the thoughts that go through my head whenever I feel slightly poorly.

For most people, I would have thought they would accept that sometimes your body can pick up viruses or you can generally just feel unwell for a variety of different reasons. But, whenever I’m ill, have a headache, feel sick or have any other kind of ailment, I always assume the worse. I automatically panic and begin wondering if it could be something more serious and hence be related to me having another stroke.

However hard, I try to tell myself that it was over 18 years ago that I had my stroke. Although, there is always that niggling feeling in the back of my mind that any illness could be the start of something serious.

I could be watching TV, I could be out with friends or I could be driving somewhere, but whenever I feel that slightest thing wrong with me, I panic!

I resort to checking whether I can move my face to both sides, whether I can speak clearly without it being slurred or whether I can raise my arms. I go through the symptoms which you should do if you are having a stroke:FAST

I think to myself, is something really happening again?

This is why my friends and family call me a hypochondriac. If I have a cold, headache or temperature I always assume the worst, I think I’m dying! It’s now a standard joke I have between my girlfriend, Emily and Mum, Sheena.

Realistically, of course, I’m sure that I will be fine. I take precautionary medication every day in the form of 75MG of Clopidogrel in order to thin my blood and keep me from the risk of having another stroke. I’m now just as likely to have a stroke as anybody else in the world, right?! Try telling my brain that!

I believe this will always be the case. Of course, I’m going to worry and everybody tells me that it is completely normal.

My strength of character helps me through this process, even though deep inside I am continually worrying. I hope, I come across as a determined and positive person to all that know me, and that my stroke will NEVER define the person that I am.

I have been in hospital fairly frequently over the past 2-3 years. Granted, this has sometimes been my fault. Whether it’s been for undercooking beef burgers in my first year at university and ending up with severe food poisoning, or whether it’s going in, on the precaution of having stomach pain and then resulting to having my appendix removed.

I believe I have been desperately unlucky with my health and the number of experiences I’ve had to go through in hospital. I now get totally paranoid about being in a hospital and worry greatly. I even work myself up to feeling physically sick at the thought of having to enter a hospital.

This, I acknowledge is ridiculous as I have nothing but admiration and gratitude for how the staff in hospitals work and care for their patients.




One comment

  1. My wife discovered at 47 that she had a serious stroke at some point, she knew nothing about it, but the evidence was there on her scans. Like you she had a couple of panic episodes due to migraines, one of which i had to take her to hospital where she was kept in overnight. But you are right, neither you nor her has any more likelyhood of having another stroke than i have. Take heart from that, for all i know, i may have had one at some point in the past, youll be fine.


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